Many people scoff at the sheer speed with which Snow White and her prince realized they were made for each other, or at The Little Mermaid‘s Ariel for tripping over her as-yet-imaginary feet to sign a dodgy contract in pursuit of a man she’d spent about eight seconds with. But if you think Jack and Rose, Romeo and Juliet, or Bella and Edward are #relatable, it could be because you have emophilia – a tendency to fall in love quickly and often.
What is emophilia?
While the concept of love at first sight is as old as time (okay, no more Disney references), the psychological term “emophilia” was only coined relatively recently. But when Daniel Jones, an associate professor at the University of Nevado Reno, introduced the word in 2011, it was met with a surprising amount of backlash.
“My first surprise was not related to my findings, but to the pushback I received in the field of romantic relationships,” Jones recounted in a recent interview with PsyPost. “I was surprised how many insisted that emophilia is just a form of anxious attachment, and that I am studying disordered behavior rather than a unique individual difference.”
“With respect to the findings, colloquially, we all assumed to this point that love takes time or love is a process. What I am learning through my research is that although love is a process, that process can move at warp speed.”
In an April 2024 paper on the topic, Jones describes emophilia as “a want process, not a need process.” People with this tendency relish the rush and excitement of a new romantic attachment, rather than fearing being single or seeking someone to depend on. There’s a certain degree of crossover with anxiety, but Jones and others in this space argue that emophilia is a distinct entity.
In part because of how new this is as a specific area of study, there’s not a huge amount of scientific literature on the topic – something Jones’ paper calls for an improvement on. This was echoed by the authors of another recent study focusing on a Scandinavian cohort. “Future research should aim to improve our understanding of the psychological and behavioral aspects of emophilia,” they wrote.
Are there any risks with emophilia?
If you’re reading all this and thinking it sounds a bit familiar, you might naturally be wondering if it really matters. So, some people fall in love quicker than others, big deal – right?
While there is nothing intrinsically “wrong” with emophilia, some fear it could increase the risk of people becoming involved in risky situations, so it pays to be aware.
As Psychology Today explains, people who “love being in love” might be less alert to red flags in their potential partners. There’s evidence from some previous research by Jones and collaborators that emophiliacs may be more attracted to individuals who score highly for the so-called Dark Triad traits of Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism – traits not necessarily associated with romantic success.
The Scandinavian study also found that emophiliacs may have a greater tendency to cheat in relationships, although the researchers weren’t able to draw a causal link. Still, it’s possible that a lasting relationship – if that’s your goal – may be more challenging to achieve for someone who is prone to developing romantic feelings with a new person very quickly.
Overall, life with emophilia may be more tumultuous, with lots of highs and lows – one study by Jones suggested emophiliacs tend to get married younger, but also more frequently, with consequent divorces in between.
But there are also some things you can do. As psychologist Mark Travers wrote for Forbes, setting yourself clear relationship criteria (and sticking to them), listening to warnings of red flags from friends and family, and trying to step back from the rush of feelings and take a more pragmatic approach can all help someone with emophiliac tendencies to have a more stable love life. Practically, that can look like journaling, tracking your actions and feelings in previous relationships, and generally aiming to become more self-aware.
This, Travers says, “will empower you to make sustainable choices aligned with your long-term goals and values while fostering healthier and fulfilling relationships.”
Ultimately, falling in love is not a one-size-fits-all process. “In the long term I would like to raise awareness about this trait and let people know it is natural to fall in love extremely quickly and often, or extremely slowly and rarely (if ever),” Jones told PsyPost.
And if you’re curious to learn more, Jones’ research group have a handy survey on their website, so you can find out your very own emophilia score.
[H/T: PsyPost]
Source Link: Do You Have “Emophilia” – And What Is It Anyway?
