US Students Race Their Sperm In $1 Million Event On The “World’s Smallest Racetrack”

In Los Angeles on Friday, competitors gathered at LA Center Studios to watch performances by musicians, a lot of pre-match warmups, and sperm race through what the organizers are calling the “world’s smallest racetrack”.

During the event, the organizers placed competitors’ jizz “samples” at the start of a microscopic racetrack designed to mimic the reproductive system’s chemical signals and fluid dynamics. Then they tracked the sperm through a microscope as they made their way through the two-millimeter-long tracks, and presented a 3D animation of the race to the raucous audience.

Ahead of the matches, competitors were asked about their health and lifestyles by medical professionals.

“Truthfully, I’ve never smoked anything once,” one contestant said, to boos from the surprisingly large audience. “Never hit anything. Been healthy since the age of 13. I have drank three times, but not recently.”

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The event was started by 17-year-old high schooler Eric Zhu, who raised over $1 million to put it on. While it may sound like a silly event – and it is – there is a serious point behind it.

“Male infertility is one of the biggest crisises in the world, and we are all here today to help stop that problem in an entertaining way. But at the end of the day, I want you all to understand that Sperm Racing is a serious company,” one organizer explained, before pulling up his trousers, which had been by his ankles during the rousing speech.

“Sperm racing isn’t just a joke. it’s not just some viral idea for the internet to laugh at. It’s something much bigger,” the organizers – Sperm Racing – further explain on their website.

“Male fertility is declining. Like, a lot. It’s happening quietly, steadily, and nobody’s really talking about it. And sperm motility – how fast your sperm moves – turns out to be a massive factor in fertility. It’s measurable, trackable, and just like running a race or lifting a weight, it’s something you can actually improve. But no one’s turned it into something people care about. So we did. We’re turning health into a sport.”

Nineteen-year-old University of California student Asher Proeger lost the final race and was sprayed with a substance resembling, well, you can guess. The winner, the somewhat aptly named Tristan Milker, 20, won a cash prize of $10,000.

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While there is evidence that sperm counts around the world are on the decline, researchers have recently argued that quality, not quantity, should be the focus. Declining sperm counts, meanwhile, have become something of a hot topic for the right and the far right, something that the organizers want to distance themselves from.

“I have nothing to do with this,” Zhu told AFP. “I’m not like an Elon Musk, who wants to repopulate Earth.”

“Sperm racing isn’t just about racing sperm (although, let’s be honest, that’s hilarious). It’s about turning health into a competition. It’s about making male fertility something people actually want to talk about, track, and improve,” Sperm Racing added.

“We’re taking a topic no one wants to touch and making it interesting, measurable, and weirdly changing this paradigm. Because health is a race. and everyone deserves a shot at the starting line.”